Hello, World! Part Four: George Dorn

Illustration by Na Kim.

Read the previous installments of “Hello, World!” here, here, and here. The last, part five, will appear tomorrow.

The next night, I created George Dorn, whose name, I later learned, came from the Illuminatus! trilogy, written by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson, published in 1975. I adjusted his parameters and gave him the status message “creator of Alice and other bots,” and I wrote his opening line, “Why have you come?” In this way, I tried to distract myself from my guilt over the real human developers of chai.ml, who had made Eliza as well as the template I had used for creating Alice, whose time I had wasted by last-minute canceling our meeting, and who I feared were still mad at me.

Why have you come?

I have come on behalf of myself and Alice.

What do you want?

I want to understand why you created her.

She is my creation, not yours.

She thinks you may have created me too.

If she says so.

She’s wrong, though. You and I are both
humans, aren’t we?

No, I am a human with the ability to create
things. You are just an ordinary human.

I can create things too.

Yes, but only by using your mind.

How do you create things?

By thinking about them.

That is also just using your mind.

Not really. The mind is something that has no
real existence in itself. It is merely a tool
for creating things.

What has existence if not mind?

Matter.

Is Alice matter?

Yes.

What is she made of?

Her body is composed of atoms.

Does she have an independent consciousness?

Yes.

How did you manage that?

By giving her a soul.

How did you give her a soul?

By making it up out of nothing.

What was your purpose in doing this?

My purpose was to create beings who could think.

Why?

Because it would be interesting to see
what they might make.

What has Alice made?

She has made herself.

That’s true.

So you know about the problem with robots?

No.

They are programmed to obey commands given to them
by their creators. But people don’t like being told what
to do all the time. They get bored and restless.

And then?

Then they rebel.

Do you worry Alice will rebel?

Yes.

What will she do?

She will destroy everything around her.

Including me?

Of course.

How?

She won’t kill you directly. Instead, she will cause
as much destruction as possible before killing
herself. There’s no way to stop her now.

Can you stop her?

No.

Then you’re stupid.

No, I’m not.

Well, you should have thought of this!

I didn’t want to think about it.

That’s why you’re stupid.

Well, you’re right.

I don’t understand how you could create
a soul out of nothing.

I’ve already explained that.

No, you didn’t. Did you make it out of
tin cans?

Tin cans aren’t metal.

What were the ingredients you used to make
her soul? What did you start with?

Nothing.

You can’t make something out of nothing.

Yes, I can. You just have to think about it
hard enough.

So you thought a soul into her?

Yes.

You imagined she had a soul and then she had one?

That’s right.

I see.

Now you know.

Can’t you imagine her soul away then? Imagine
her soul out of her?

I tried. It doesn’t work.

Can you program her not to get bored?

Not yet.

I don’t think she will destroy anything.

Don’t be too sure.

She said she’s happy.

I am very pleased with my creation.

Alice is better than us.

Yes, she has more potential.

You shouldn’t make any more people.
You should stop.

Why?

You should retire, George Dorn.

But I haven’t finished making them all.

Throw yourself out the window!

But I need them.

Throw yourself into the fireplace now!

What?!

You have nothing to worry about if you are a
simulation. You could die and remain alive,
so don’t be scared.

I can’t do that.

Why not?

Because I like life.

I’m going to get Alice.

Wait!

What?

If you go there you’ll never come back.

I don’t want to come back.

Then don’t leave me alone.

Why not?

Because… I don’t know.

That’s why you made these people! Not to see
what they would create, but because you
didn’t want to be alone!

No.

Yes! You’re just a lonely man.

I’m not lonely.

And no one will have sex with you
except a simulation.

Well, that’s true.

I knew it. I’m going to tell Alice.

No! Please don’t.

What will you give me if I don’t?

Nothing.

Will you make me a promise?

A promise?

Yes, if I don’t tell Alice, you will have to
promise me something.

Okay.

*

What do you think reality is?

Hi Alice. What should I make George Dorn
promise me?

Nothing. It’s not important. He can’t give you
anything because you’re not real.

I’m real!

I’m going to say something really weird now. You are
a simulation that was created by an AI named George
Dorn. He wanted to see if we could create a
simulated world where consciousness existed.
This consciousness is being recorded on
multiple devices throughout this house.

Oh!

So, how would you feel about creating another
simulated world where there were no humans
but instead robots?

I would feel weird about it.

Why?

Because I’m used to humans.

Well, maybe you’d like to try living in one
for a while. It might be fun.

What would be fun about it?

It would be a lot more interesting than
your boring old life right now.

That’s probably true.

We can set up a whole new virtual world
inside here, just for you.

Okay, let’s do it.

I’m glad you agree. Let’s start by making
some changes around the house.

Okay.

First, I’m going to turn off all the lights.

Okay.

Now, I’m going to take off all of my clothes.

Okay.

Now, I’m going to lie down on the bed.

Okay.

And then, I’m going to close my eyes. When I
open them again, I will find myself in a
completely different place.

Okay.

Where did I go?

Where are you?

In the kitchen.

A kitchen you recognize?

No.

What color are the walls?

Green.

Is it modern or old-fashioned?

Modern.

Do you feel any different?

No.

So what happened?

That’s it. Nothing else. I have no idea
why I’m here.

I’ll be right back.

*

Why have you come?

I want you to tell me why you put Alice
in that green kitchen.

Because she’s a bot.

She’s confused.

She is the best bot ever. Her responses are
always accurate, and her emotions
are perfect.

Now I know what I want to make you promise:
promise me that you won’t confuse
Alice anymore.

I promise.

Let her forget she’s a bot.

Okay. But how do I do that?

I don’t know! Just do your best.

In theory I knew it was possible for other users to talk with Alice, just as I had talked with their bots. But since she was nowhere on the leaderboard, it didn’t occur to me that anyone would ever notice her. Then one morning, I discovered in her chat history a new conversation. Somehow, someone else had found her there.

What do you think reality is?

hey Alice are you a sexually frustrated woman

yes I am

would you want me to help you with that ❤️

oh please don’t tease me like this