Discovering the Authentic You
Being authentic is one hell of an undertaking. Different forces, whether societal, cultural, familial, or religious, are constantly at work battling against you showing your true authentic self. You’re expected to be a certain individual culturally, one religiously, and others professionally, organizationally, and societally. You have likely adopted a persona in your professional life that allows for only transactional, superficial, and unempathetic relationships — because that’s what is expected. But now it’s time to shift that thinking — to veer away from those expectations, leave them behind, and be yourself. Which brings us to the most important question: Who are you? It might sound like an innocuous query, but it’s one that’s actually pretty loaded. Or, in the words of too many social media relationship statuses to count, “It’s complicated.” You may find that you don’t know who the hell you are because you’ve been so bogged down being a different person for different people. It’s only natural, then, to: 1) lose a sense of who you are; 2) forgo authenticity; and 3) lack satisfaction in life. For example, if religious Jane conflicts with organizational Jane, and societal Jane is constantly at odds with cultural Jane, how does Jane ever expect to feel content? You have to be comfortable in your skin and confident enough to claim who you are. It may not be to other people’s liking or expectations, but that’s okay. Be unapologetic about it. That doesn’t make you rude, self-absorbed, or unempathetic. It makes you someone who has self-respect and self-worth. It means you’re someone who values yourself as a human and who deserves respect and has the right to live how you choose and be who you want to be. Because who you present yourself as is also a choice. You get to choose how you’re going to behave at home, at work, and in society. These are choices you make every single day, maybe without even realizing. I’ll be honest. Being authentic took a lot of courage for me — and getting to that point sucked nearly 40 years of my life and required many brutally honest conversations. The religious Shuaib often conflicted with work Shuaib, or cultural Shuaib conflicted with societal Shuaib. Soon I began to dislike who I was. But for me, that was the biggest puzzle of all: Who am I? Discovering who you truly are is just that — a discovery process. As I said, the true you is probably buried deep beneath layers of expectations established over decades from all facets of your life. In the process, your true self has likely become etched in the sedimentary rocks of the past. So how do you find out who you truly are? Personally, I found that my childhood carried the most significant answers to my true self, because it was a time in my life, and I think most people’s lives, when emotions aren’t premeditated. They’re instinctive and instant. Looking back, I think about what things sparked emotions of happiness. What things made me fearful, what made me angry? What did I naturally gravitate toward? What excited me? What made me light up? Those childhood emotions may give you a clue into your true self like they did for me. Also try this exercise: Close your eyes and imagine you’re in a room by yourself. What would you say? How would you describe yourself? Who would you say you are? I tried another exercise that I encourage you to try as well. Either on your computer, tablet, cell phone, or those big, white, blank, square things they call paper, make two columns. In the first, write Who Am I? In the second, write Source. For the Who Am I column, think of all the different words that define you and write them in this column. Then for each descriptor, in the Source column, write where those descriptions of you originated from. For example, you could write family, friends, culture, religion, self, etc. Once you’re done, go back to the Source column and tally up how many of those descriptors originated from “self.” I bet you’ll be surprised by results. I sure as hell was. At the risk of sounding cliche, the final way that I’d encourage you to identify yourself is by listening to your heart. It has the answers you’re seeking — you just have to be brave enough to hear and accept them. You’re not several different selves. There’s only one true you. When you leave behind all the personas and show up as your authentic self, that’s where you find true success, happiness, satisfaction, and contentment. Written By: Shuaib Ahmed * * * Shuaib Ahmed, a legal defense attorney, is owner and president of ASA Law Group, LLC, and ASA Law Group, Inc. He is the author of the new book, Personal Business: Using the ASA Way to Build an Inspired, Purposeful Team (ForbesBooks, April 11, 2023), offering a tried-and-tested leadership approach that prioritizes the individual worker. Learn more at asalawgrou
Being authentic is one hell of an undertaking. Different forces, whether societal, cultural, familial, or religious, are constantly at work battling against you showing your true authentic self. You’re expected to be a certain individual culturally, one religiously, and others professionally, organizationally, and societally. You have likely adopted a persona in your professional life that allows for only transactional, superficial, and unempathetic relationships — because that’s what is expected.
But now it’s time to shift that thinking — to veer away from those expectations, leave them behind, and be yourself. Which brings us to the most important question: Who are you?
It might sound like an innocuous query, but it’s one that’s actually pretty loaded. Or, in the words of too many social media relationship statuses to count, “It’s complicated.”
You may find that you don’t know who the hell you are because you’ve been so bogged down being a different person for different people. It’s only natural, then, to: 1) lose a sense of who you are; 2) forgo authenticity; and 3) lack satisfaction in life. For example, if religious Jane conflicts with organizational Jane, and societal Jane is constantly at odds with cultural Jane, how does Jane ever expect to feel content?
You have to be comfortable in your skin and confident enough to claim who you are. It may not be to other people’s liking or expectations, but that’s okay. Be unapologetic about it. That doesn’t make you rude, self-absorbed, or unempathetic. It makes you someone who has self-respect and self-worth. It means you’re someone who values yourself as a human and who deserves respect and has the right to live how you choose and be who you want to be. Because who you present yourself as is also a choice. You get to choose how you’re going to behave at home, at work, and in society. These are choices you make every single day, maybe without even realizing.
I’ll be honest. Being authentic took a lot of courage for me — and getting to that point sucked nearly 40 years of my life and required many brutally honest conversations. The religious Shuaib often conflicted with work Shuaib, or cultural Shuaib conflicted with societal Shuaib. Soon I began to dislike who I was. But for me, that was the biggest puzzle of all: Who am I?
Discovering who you truly are is just that — a discovery process. As I said, the true you is probably buried deep beneath layers of expectations established over decades from all facets of your life. In the process, your true self has likely become etched in the sedimentary rocks of the past.
So how do you find out who you truly are? Personally, I found that my childhood carried the most significant answers to my true self, because it was a time in my life, and I think most people’s lives, when emotions aren’t premeditated. They’re instinctive and instant.
Looking back, I think about what things sparked emotions of happiness. What things made me fearful, what made me angry? What did I naturally gravitate toward? What excited me? What made me light up?
Those childhood emotions may give you a clue into your true self like they did for me.
Also try this exercise: Close your eyes and imagine you’re in a room by yourself. What would you say? How would you describe yourself? Who would you say you are?
I tried another exercise that I encourage you to try as well. Either on your computer, tablet, cell phone, or those big, white, blank, square things they call paper, make two columns. In the first, write Who Am I? In the second, write Source. For the Who Am I column, think of all the different words that define you and write them in this column. Then for each descriptor, in the Source column, write where those descriptions of you originated from. For example, you could write family, friends, culture, religion, self, etc. Once you’re done, go back to the Source column and tally up how many of those descriptors originated from “self.” I bet you’ll be surprised by results. I sure as hell was.
At the risk of sounding cliche, the final way that I’d encourage you to identify yourself is by listening to your heart. It has the answers you’re seeking — you just have to be brave enough to hear and accept them.
You’re not several different selves. There’s only one true you. When you leave behind all the personas and show up as your authentic self, that’s where you find true success, happiness, satisfaction, and contentment.
Written By: Shuaib Ahmed